You May Be a BJJ Douchebag If….

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They say BJJ is the ultimate douchebag filter, and it’s totally true; until your coach partners you with the gym douchebag – then, it’s bullshit.

 

Whether you’ve just started training, or you’re an old salty veteran, you’re going to encounter a few douchebagginhos. And if you haven’t yet, well then…you know.

 

If you fear you may in fact be a D-bag, our list of 7 classic BJJ douchebag traits will help you identify this problem, fingers crossed, before it’s too late.

 

1. Training When You’re Sick

 

Oh yeah, this guy. Look, we don’t care if you take a day off here and there when you’re sick. You don’t need to prove to us that you’re an indomitable warrior, #beastmode, if you’re second you’re last, kind of guy/girl.

 

Training when you’re sick or worse, have ringworm or staph, is possibly one of the biggest douchebag moves you can pull, proving you don’t give a toss about the health of those around you.

 

Your training partners have jobs and families to take care of, and the last thing they need is to carry your diseases with them while they do it.

 

Stay home, take your vitamins and snap the f*$k out of it.

 

2. Not Washing Your Gear

 

We smelled you coming from a mile away. Being lazy about washing your gear or trying to ‘save some water’ puts you on the same level as the D-bag in point numero uno.

 

No one want’s to roll with you, no one wants to drill with you and no one wants your musk caressing their nasal hairs.

 

3. Making Excuses When You Tap

 

“Oh, I heard my phone ringing.”

 

“If I didn’t have such a big day at work or feel tired from cutting weight...”

 

“You’ve been lifting weights hey? (cough, roids) What do you weigh now?”

 

“I didn’t know we were playing those rules, bruh!”

 

“That shit wouldn’t have worked in the streets.”

 

Urrggghh… moving along.

 

4. Naming and Shaming the People You’ve Tapped

 

Ok, saying you caught someone with a sub isn’t the worst thing you can do. I mean, it’s all about providing feedback, isn’t it?

 

However, if you’re the type of D-bag who:

 

  • Blurts out a list of people you’ve swept or tapped to get a pat on the back, or
  • Doesn’t realise you’re at training, where people are more willing to open up and allow you to tap them in the name of progress, yet you act like you just won ADCC

 

….go to lunch.

 

5. Calling Time Out When You’re on the Back Foot

 

The golden rule of rolling in class goes:

 

“Thou shall not go hard AF on your partner, smooshing your forearms into their facial features, ripping on kimuras like you’re starting an old lawnmower or stacking with the Undertaker’s Tombstone Piledriver only to bitch out with ‘asthma’ as soon as you’ve been mounted.”

 

As it was written, so it shall be done.

 

6. Stop Mid Roll and Coach Your Partner on How to Tap You

 

What.

The.

F&*k.

Are y’doing?

 

There’s nothing worse than when you take someone’s back, consolidate control, sink the choke in and then feel your partner pull your arm further across their neck to tighten the choke.

 

“ Yeah… ya just need to… move your arm to… ah… here. Gglglglg thaaaaaat’s iiiiiit.”

 

Hey, thanks soooooo much for the help on that one, Yoda. So, I guess that tap doesn’t count, then?

 

7. Going Ham on Any and All Except The Higher Belts

 

If you do this, I really feel you have some deep character issues that you may need to work out with professional therapy, not Jiu Jitsu class.

 

I can’t tell you how little I respect those who absolutely smash the small, the injured, the weak or the lower belts in training only to fold up when it’s time to roll with those with more experience.

 

Don’t go John Wick on the new guy/girl if you’re going to lay flat on your back, awkward and motionless, against the brown and black belts. This isn’t like the time you lost your virginity; you’ve got to back your shit up!

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